Today

It's lovely out, the kind of day I feel like I should actually get out of the house and do something, but I'm so tired of doing things alone. I just need people to like hang out with, like hang out at the mall, go to the movies, go walk around trap pond, walk around Salisbury. I feel like I look so shifty when I just mill around shops and leave and too alone sitting in a dark theater by myself. I enjoy myself a lot, but it would be nice to have some company now and again.

What's Missing.

Today I went with my family to take my sister to college, which, as I realized on the ride there, turned out to be a terrible idea. Any time I have to be faced with that fact that people are going to colleges and doing awesome it turns out bad.

I get to see pictures and status' about them buying books and meeting their roommates and watching their parents drive away and hearing how it feels like they're at summer camp or something. I get to see them meet new people see things I will get to. I'm missing so much by being stuck having to become a grown up while still sleeping in my childhood bedroom.

I missing being careless and crazy. I have to refrian from smoking weed and staying out late because I have to find a fucking job. I get no more breaks. There will be no summer or thanksgiving or winter or spring breaks for me. I get days off now, which since I cannot find a job is really never; I'm always looking, sending out resumes, filling out the same information in the same uniform applications. What really gets me is the I got into 12 schools. 12. fucking. schools. and Walmart will not even hire me.

All I want is to get out of this area. I need something new and I cannot get my feet on the grown so I can start running.

I'm sick of dealing with money, struggling because I down to my last fifty bucks. I'm sick of seeing all the same people that don't like me anyway. I sick of crying all the time because I just hate everything my life has become.