comfortable

Ive started writing again and it feels glorious and beautiful.

I sat out side today as the sunset writing, just like i use to. I dont know how ive gotten out of that habit because its where i feel the most like myself. I'm so happy, How did i ever lose sight of this loveliness.

P.S. I keep coming up with all these forks in ideas. wanna hear some of my unfinished crap and give me feed back on which direction i should take, feel free to hit a girl up.

I haven't been talking much

I dont really have anyone to talk to and most of the communicating I've been doing with anyone has been over the internet. This sounds really sad, but it's not so bad. I enjoy spending time in my head most of the time. I'm pretty goddamned funny. I like watching cartoons on my laptop alone in my room. I like cyber stalking people with way cooler lives than me. My computer has become one of my very best friends and i do have to admit; that is pretty sad.

As you can tell I'm pretty alone. The other day though I was driving and I put in a CD and I sang along. I've always been a singer. Anytime I feel comfortable and a song i know i will start to sing.

But it had been forever since I'd done that for what ever reason and drove my care home and belted out every not"e with all the energy i had and it felt so good; hearing my own voice. For to long I almost forgotten what it feels like to open my mouth to express myself, as dumb or corny as that may sound. 

I've been struggling, but what has made it worse is that i was just kind of sitting back and accepting it. I need to do things to make me feel better, to make my life better.

"Now i have got a voice and thats the voice youre hearing now"
                                 -Mr. J. Medeiros, "Nothing Without Providence"

I think about love a lot.

because im so deep in it that ill never find a way and i really don't care to. I never really cared about love til I found it. and it's glorious. I certain blooger i follow says she does not believe in love and i think thats ok. but someday i pray she will. someday i wish for her to find someone completely on her wavelength, the person that no matter what she saying or what shes going though that just get it. someone that shell lay with and just wish to melt right into them, to crawl inside of them and survive inside all the comfort they bring her.

I don't think love brings you happiness or saves you in anyway. It makes you glow inside. its a feeling so big sometimes it feels like you cant contain it or explain it. Itll make you into a giant cheeseball constantly acting out cliches. Yes all the cheesy love songs will remind you of this person, youll feel an ache in your chest when you are uncertain of the next time youll see them. you will get on everyone's with all the mushy love crap you cant help but spout off.

I pray someday this girl eats her words because love is beautiful and glorious and so so very very real.