lame

So I'm starting at deltech in the spring and I'm doing the nursing program and I thought this was a good idea and I still see the pros of it. Its a stable job that I can do anywhere. I'll make decent money. Most importantly though I'll get to help people.

 Then I watched this video of one of my favorite authors talking about how college had impacted his life.

 

It makes me really sad that I'm going to miss out on classes about creative writing and philosophy and religion. All I've ever wanted was to be a writer. I want to write stories and books and I want to share them with people. I want to take class where I can learn about all human experiences and how to make my writing better. I want to go to a college with a freaking literary magazine.

My therapist told me I'd stop feeling like I'm missing out on so much once I got back into school and started getting everything settled, but as I make these choices I keep second guessing myself and seeing how much I'm going to miss out on. 

On another note, I keep hearing people say that I've changed. I'm not as funny anymore. I'm serious now. I hate it. I know it's true. I know that trying to beat the sadness in your life is serious business and it's almost impossible to come out of this being the same silly fun teenager, everyone loved apparently.